Ok... I used to say "it's not like I expect anyone to listen to me or anything" but, if I had to be honest, out of years of contemplation, I feel like I didn't lie really, I honestly now just realize I wish some people would or would have. It's not an ego thing like some would say, I feel it is more like filling the gap or filling a need.
You know, before you start a business, you check for market saturation right? How many people are doing what you want to do and if you find there are too many, you may think twice about doing it. I kind of view activism the same way except for the fact that I didn't choose to do this. I felt an internal, sort of almost Divine pressure to do it but it really isn't even pressure, it is a relentless thinking and constant desire with an intended goal that pressures me.
The reason I can tell it isn't something I chose to do is for one basic reason, I can't just one day choose not to do what I am doing. When impressed upon something of this magnitude, you are either in or out but once that decision is made, you are indeed IN or OUT and it's like if you had a choice your destiny is now chosen, either by you or not but chosen nontheless. Where it is a choce by you or not, to me, seems like that will be made clear in time.
As things continue to get worse, the proverbial wheat will be separated fom the tares. Those that have tried to make the decision to do something will fall away and those on the mission will double down. I don't think the enemy really knows this. I think they assume if they come hard and fast enough they will get everyone to back away. All it does really is separate those in it to win it from those in it for other reasons.
Honestly, I have no idea which I am. So far, if I were to reflect upon my actions for the last almost two decades, it would seem to be pretty clear where I am but no one knows until that pressure comes where life or death decisions are made.
I tell people I made "a deal" with God almost 10 years ago. I told Him if this was where I was supposed to be, I would trust Him. If he asked me to do something or put something in front of me that forced me to make a choice, no matter how uncomfortable it is, and believe me there have been plenty, there would be no hesistation, no contemplation, no worrying about what others would think about what I say or do, my answer would simply be "Yes Lord." Well, although I have indeed said "Yes Lord," I would be lying if I told you I didn't worry, the thing is, I tried not to and found comfort in forging ahead anyway.
When I look back at the last almost 20 years of my life, I can't believe where I am and how far I have come and how many awesome opportunties I have had and how many awesome connections and people I have met and how many relationships I have now.
Today's post is partly to most solemnly thank the Lord for all He has brought me through. It is also to thank each of you for your contributon in my life as I hope I may have had some contribution in yours.
My heart has been heavy for a long time now with all that is happening to us all. Although feeling sincerely led by the Spirit (because it is nothing I can seem to choose to back away from) I feel like I understand what is happening and where we are going and that although I am unable to do things for you to lessen what is coming, and wish I could, I can instead do my best to empower you and lift you up, not only with the information I share so more people understand but to encourage you to consider where you are and how you fit and to ask you as we enter into darkness, if you have chosen to be here and whether it will be a choice to back away or if you too are on this mission?
If you find or feel, so far, that you are on this mission, I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know that although it looks grim, that giving up isn't an option, and to realize when things or as things get more intense, that we may not win. If you can accept this, you may also understand or need to understand that whether we do or not isn't what matters (although we hope it does) it is what we do that matters because we all know there are still too many people that don't.
Certain People are rare. In business it is understood if there is no risk there is no reward. Those willing to believe in themselves and others or something that take that leap of faith are the one's that benefit the greatest while others too fearful of failure never reach that level.
I admit, I have never been a risky entrepenuer and it used to bother me until I realized if God has us all at this time and place in our lives, why should I care? What I realized instead is that although people don't all take risks in business, they are willing to take risks elsewhere. I am happy this morning to share with you that I know where and what I am risking and for what and as unsettling as it was on the journey to get here, finally reaching this destination has shown rewards that I would have never imagined.
Looking into the face of adversity and the ginormity of our situation, in some strange way, I find peace knowing I am, without a doubt, where I am supposed to be. My most earnest prayer is that you are there too or you are on your way. If you are still on that journey, stay focused and you too will find that the risk you are willing to put forward, no matter what it is, will also have rewards far outweghing those hardships on the journey to get there.